It is Okay to Say No.
If you are anything like me, then you would agree that interpersonal relationships are vital towards healing. You might find it challenging to avoid pleasing others at the expense of one's sanity, or you know if someone. If I were to ask you to investigate this dilemma, you would most likely identify a variety of different possibilities. Here's what it comes down to, it feels uncomfortable.
When we say no to someone, we often experience a visceral reaction in our bodies. We have been lead to believe that means this reaction will go away if we apologize. Some feel the urge to make up excuses to avoid "letting them down." Imagine what it would feel like if saying no came without the bodily reaction? Imagine that no was the end of that discussion. What If I were to say that it is possible to change this pattern of behavior?
I offer some quick insights to get you started on this journey towards being okay with saying no.
You are not alone. First, start by taking a deep breath. The reality is that this is one of the most common human experiences. Some so many people struggle with setting up this concept called "Boundaries." It seems like some people have built mastery over saying no with ease, but for many, it is a skill that they have developed.
Plot twist. That bodily reaction can represent things far beyond what our initial thoughts lead us to believe. Whether or not you worked with a mental health professional, let's say that the reaction is your body's signal that you have put up a much-needed boundary.
Renegotiate. It is time to start trusting your body; you only get one. We only build mastery over skills when we repeatedly practice and problem-solve them. Let's imagine how much more comfortable you would feel when this becomes the new "normal." Your body manages so many other responsibilities; if you demonstrate that setting these limits is possible, you can offer to take on this job.
Masks up. Boundaries are skills that we all learn and develop over a life span. No one is born with the ability to set boundaries effectively because everyone has different lived experiences that influenced this learned behavior. We all learn or hear about what to do if you are on a plane and the masks come down. Sometimes you need to take care of yourself for a moment.
5. It is okay to say no. We can learn to say no and feel comfortable with this action. It is okay to start practicing with some groups of people before tackling others because it might be more challenging.
Setting boundaries is a very challenging practice and we all fall on the spectrum of being “too rigid” or “too lax” but the most important thing is, you come first. Boundaries are learned through our upbringing and may be deeply rooted. If boundaries more complex then it is okay to speak to a mental health professional for more understanding and assistance.
Check out —> Psychology Today or Therapy for Black Men or Therapy for Black Girls
